Depression and How it Affects Me
My plan was to do a review on Debi Pearl's "Created to Be His Help Meet" this week. But Sunday brought a change of plans, a change that may or may not be for the better - we will find out.
Anyway, that is the day that Postpartum Depression whopped me in the back of my head. It shocked and just about infuriated my husband, and I thought I was just having a bad day. A really bad day.
Turns out I was wrong.
Monday was as bad, if not worse. I woke up in a good mood, but everything went downhill that afternoon and I stopped talking to my husband. I had no urge to do anything, so even though I did start to wash the dishes that day, they never got finished. I still cared for my son out of pure obligation, but only did the bare minimum even then and hid in the spare bedroom across from our master bedroom. It was a strange sensation. I am a very stubborn, even defiant person, but I had no urge to get out of this fog. The tiny part of me not completely enveloped in this darkness noted it and was puzzled. "This isn't you!" it screamed, but I paid no attention.
D was frustrated, unsure of what to do when he got home and I wouldn't kiss him or tell him I loved him, avoiding eye contact and giving him the cold shoulder.
Eventually, he got me to go on a walk with him, and we watered horses while he told me all the interesting details from his workday. Strangely, seeing that Dingus's dam had finally kicked the bucket did not faze me... nor did helping D collect her body that evening do anything. I even cooked supper without problems. It seems that my husband is the best treatment for my PPD - because he loves me and does anything and everything to help me feel better. I am a very lucky woman.
We discussed reasons I might be feeling this way, and loneliness and a feeling of separation from friends were brought up. But no one can just spend ten hours a day, five days a week here and help me around the house - anyone I would like to do it is either too busy or simply can't.
I still isolated myself from him a bit that night, struggling to get past a feeling of being trapped when he embraced me, trying to calm me down.
On Tuesday, I communicated my thoughts to Katharine Marie, knowing she had experience with depression and would be able to help me figure out what was going on. She confirmed it was depression and then helped me get out of bed and eat and drink. I did research on herbs to help me with this depression, and found that evening primrose oil was safe to take. Fortunately, I still had a bottle in the bathroom cupboard, and took a softgel.
I carried on full conversations with both her and my wonderful husband, and wrote out a list of things (thanks in part to this post) for D so he could help me manage without shutting down like I did on Sunday and Monday.
D helped me with a bath at my request. I only had a "meh" feeling about taking one, but my hair was screaming at me that it needed a washing. I didn't do much, but I did get a pizza cooked, watched part of a movie with my sweetheart and our son (we stopped it so we could get my bath done at a reasonable time before bed), and did not isolate myself. It was a much better day.
Wednesday was good. Again I took it easy, since I didn't sleep all that well the night before, and D fried chicken and fries after I scrubbed the deep fryer and changed the oil, my only hard labor of the day. We also determined that Yance is, in fact, teething (at least, the beginning stages), and that I'm shedding. That means there's three times as much of my hair floating around and getting into everything. Gah!
Yesterday morning at 3:45, Yance was apparently VERY hungry. He ate a full 20 minutes and was guzzling the whole time. After he was put to bed, he slept soundly until I fed him again at 6:15. I kept him with me almost all day, for he was fussy and refusing to sleep much. He loves his teething ring... but hasn't figured out how to stick it into and hold it in his mouth, yet. Can't wait for that to happen!
I didn't get to catch up on sleep at all. That meant that by the time D came home, I was exhausted and on a downward spiral. It didn't help that when I did get a chance to nap, I got the most disturbing images of my dream the night before (which couldn't be called a nightmare but was really weird) stuck in my head when I closed my eyes. At about 7, I finally shut down and "hid" in the spare room, leaving the fussy boy with his father.
I figured out a good set of memories to think of, however, so that set of dream-images was finally gotten rid of. We ate pizza again, and got a good night's sleep, only waking twice to roll Yance back over and soothe him a minute. He's gotten this habit of waking up a bit in the middle of the night and rolling onto his back (he sleeps on his belly because he prefers it and so he doesn't choke when he coughs on mucus) and then getting stuck because he hasn't figured out how to roll onto his belly, yet. So he starts getting fussy. It's not too big a deal. One day he'll get the whole process figured out.
Today I got to catch up on sleep, Yance gets his usual five-meal schedule instead of the slightly off-kilter six-meals he got yesterday, and so far he's sleeping well. I'm going to take a bath, yet, but Yance has gotten his bath and his nails clipped and filed. And he got his right thumb clipped, too. Whoops. He was not a happy fellow, but hey - he slept soundly, in a clean outfit and wrapped in a soft blanket with a burp cloth and towel on him. And a band-aid on his thumb. This means I'm now two-for-three with clipping a thumb during nail-clipping time.... Oh dear.
I hope to be solid enough to help with dishes and cooking tonight. And I hope to get more sleep. I've been remembering to take my supplements and eat, and I've been keeping up with Katharine and D, both of whom have been helping me stay more positive and encouraging me. Midget doesn't care and hangs out with me anyway, and Yance is generally happy.
D and his buddy/coworker stopped by today and ate lunch here. It was great. Apparently D is thinking movie night here tonight, so I've got a little work to do for that.
This weekend no doubt has work around the place going on, and Sunday is Father's Day. Tomorrow, D's gift arrives, and I cannot wait to give it to my beloved!
So, to Yance's grandfathers, great-grandfathers, great-great-grandfather, and his own amazing daddy, Happy Father's Day!
In gratitude to Katharine, for helping me out and keeping my head up, I am posting her book here. For those of you who like fantasy and dragons and horses, this is for you! Heck, I'm not much into fantasy, but nonetheless I have a signed copy on my shelf and read it once in a while (I don't read much of anything anymore, so that's not a bad track record for the book at all).
It's just long enough to qualify as a novel, so it's not very thick, and has a pair of lovers, a wizard, a prince, a wise and loving queen, and a good, honest king, all standing against a rebellious group of men who would love to destroy and take over the small kingdom. There's a dragon, a fiery stallion, wolves, loyal horses, a double agent, evil leaders, near-death situations, and a rescue. And a mission. There's plenty of action, and not at all a bad debut novel! And you can get it for $12.
Anyway, that is the day that Postpartum Depression whopped me in the back of my head. It shocked and just about infuriated my husband, and I thought I was just having a bad day. A really bad day.
Turns out I was wrong.
 |
| Yance during his Monday morning bath |
Monday was as bad, if not worse. I woke up in a good mood, but everything went downhill that afternoon and I stopped talking to my husband. I had no urge to do anything, so even though I did start to wash the dishes that day, they never got finished. I still cared for my son out of pure obligation, but only did the bare minimum even then and hid in the spare bedroom across from our master bedroom. It was a strange sensation. I am a very stubborn, even defiant person, but I had no urge to get out of this fog. The tiny part of me not completely enveloped in this darkness noted it and was puzzled. "This isn't you!" it screamed, but I paid no attention.
 |
| All clean! |
 |
| Headed to see the therapist |
Eventually, he got me to go on a walk with him, and we watered horses while he told me all the interesting details from his workday. Strangely, seeing that Dingus's dam had finally kicked the bucket did not faze me... nor did helping D collect her body that evening do anything. I even cooked supper without problems. It seems that my husband is the best treatment for my PPD - because he loves me and does anything and everything to help me feel better. I am a very lucky woman.
We discussed reasons I might be feeling this way, and loneliness and a feeling of separation from friends were brought up. But no one can just spend ten hours a day, five days a week here and help me around the house - anyone I would like to do it is either too busy or simply can't.
I still isolated myself from him a bit that night, struggling to get past a feeling of being trapped when he embraced me, trying to calm me down.
On Tuesday, I communicated my thoughts to Katharine Marie, knowing she had experience with depression and would be able to help me figure out what was going on. She confirmed it was depression and then helped me get out of bed and eat and drink. I did research on herbs to help me with this depression, and found that evening primrose oil was safe to take. Fortunately, I still had a bottle in the bathroom cupboard, and took a softgel.
I carried on full conversations with both her and my wonderful husband, and wrote out a list of things (thanks in part to this post) for D so he could help me manage without shutting down like I did on Sunday and Monday.
 |
| The boy, scooting around one day this past week |
D helped me with a bath at my request. I only had a "meh" feeling about taking one, but my hair was screaming at me that it needed a washing. I didn't do much, but I did get a pizza cooked, watched part of a movie with my sweetheart and our son (we stopped it so we could get my bath done at a reasonable time before bed), and did not isolate myself. It was a much better day.
Wednesday was good. Again I took it easy, since I didn't sleep all that well the night before, and D fried chicken and fries after I scrubbed the deep fryer and changed the oil, my only hard labor of the day. We also determined that Yance is, in fact, teething (at least, the beginning stages), and that I'm shedding. That means there's three times as much of my hair floating around and getting into everything. Gah!
Yesterday morning at 3:45, Yance was apparently VERY hungry. He ate a full 20 minutes and was guzzling the whole time. After he was put to bed, he slept soundly until I fed him again at 6:15. I kept him with me almost all day, for he was fussy and refusing to sleep much. He loves his teething ring... but hasn't figured out how to stick it into and hold it in his mouth, yet. Can't wait for that to happen!
I didn't get to catch up on sleep at all. That meant that by the time D came home, I was exhausted and on a downward spiral. It didn't help that when I did get a chance to nap, I got the most disturbing images of my dream the night before (which couldn't be called a nightmare but was really weird) stuck in my head when I closed my eyes. At about 7, I finally shut down and "hid" in the spare room, leaving the fussy boy with his father.
I figured out a good set of memories to think of, however, so that set of dream-images was finally gotten rid of. We ate pizza again, and got a good night's sleep, only waking twice to roll Yance back over and soothe him a minute. He's gotten this habit of waking up a bit in the middle of the night and rolling onto his back (he sleeps on his belly because he prefers it and so he doesn't choke when he coughs on mucus) and then getting stuck because he hasn't figured out how to roll onto his belly, yet. So he starts getting fussy. It's not too big a deal. One day he'll get the whole process figured out.
 |
| Wednesday: Yance & Midget |
I hope to be solid enough to help with dishes and cooking tonight. And I hope to get more sleep. I've been remembering to take my supplements and eat, and I've been keeping up with Katharine and D, both of whom have been helping me stay more positive and encouraging me. Midget doesn't care and hangs out with me anyway, and Yance is generally happy.
D and his buddy/coworker stopped by today and ate lunch here. It was great. Apparently D is thinking movie night here tonight, so I've got a little work to do for that.
This weekend no doubt has work around the place going on, and Sunday is Father's Day. Tomorrow, D's gift arrives, and I cannot wait to give it to my beloved!
So, to Yance's grandfathers, great-grandfathers, great-great-grandfather, and his own amazing daddy, Happy Father's Day!
In gratitude to Katharine, for helping me out and keeping my head up, I am posting her book here. For those of you who like fantasy and dragons and horses, this is for you! Heck, I'm not much into fantasy, but nonetheless I have a signed copy on my shelf and read it once in a while (I don't read much of anything anymore, so that's not a bad track record for the book at all).
It's just long enough to qualify as a novel, so it's not very thick, and has a pair of lovers, a wizard, a prince, a wise and loving queen, and a good, honest king, all standing against a rebellious group of men who would love to destroy and take over the small kingdom. There's a dragon, a fiery stallion, wolves, loyal horses, a double agent, evil leaders, near-death situations, and a rescue. And a mission. There's plenty of action, and not at all a bad debut novel! And you can get it for $12.
Thank you, Katharine!
Oh, and please check out my husband's FB page, which can be checked out here. He's been getting plenty of business lately, and we would love for that trend to continue!
You can check out a gallery of holsters and such he has made on that page.
Anyway, good luck with your weekend and have fun!
Oh, and please check out my husband's FB page, which can be checked out here. He's been getting plenty of business lately, and we would love for that trend to continue!
You can check out a gallery of holsters and such he has made on that page.
Anyway, good luck with your weekend and have fun!
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